National Budget Redirected to Anti-Shark Fences (in Kansas)
Kansas Declared First Line of Defense in National Shark Emergency
SHARKS VS WINDMILLS — ROYAL BREAKING NEWS
In a historic announcement that surprised marine biologists, military strategists, and nearly everyone who has ever looked at a map, King Jake Wood III ordered a substantial portion of the national budget redirected toward the construction of anti-shark fences across Kansas.
The King's reasoning was simple.
"Nobody has ever seen a shark attack in Kansas," declared His Majesty. "That proves our defenses are already working. Imagine how safe we'll be with fences!"
Royal advisors attempted to explain that Kansas has no coastline.
The King immediately ordered an investigation into why.
A National Emergency
The Royal Department of Imaginary Threats unveiled plans for 800 miles of shark-resistant fencing, complete with underwater surveillance cameras, emergency lifeguard stations, and warning signs reading:
BEWARE OF SHARKS — EVEN IF NONE ARE PRESENT.
When questioned about the project's cost, the Royal Treasury explained that national security cannot be measured in dollars, particularly when nobody knows how many dollars remain.
Sharks Respond
Representatives of the International Shark Council expressed confusion.
"We have no intention of visiting Kansas," announced a spokesperson. "Frankly, we weren't aware we were invited."
King Jake interpreted the statement as a threat.
The Silicon Kraken Offers Assistance
The King's trusted technological ally, the Silicon Kraken, volunteered to supervise the entire project using artificial intelligence.
Its proposal required three new data centers, two reservoirs, and enough electricity to power several small kingdoms.
"An excellent investment," declared King Jake. "Finally, someone understands the danger."
The Kraken quietly submitted an additional invoice for shark-detection software.
Windmills Remain Under Investigation
When asked whether the project would affect the kingdom's windmills, the King reassured reporters that the machines remained under constant surveillance.
"They're still spinning," he warned. "And I intend to find out why."
At press time, Kansas remained completely shark-free. The Royal Court declared victory.
Sharks vs Windmills is a fictional political satire publication. This story is entirely satirical.