In the troubled Kingdom of Calderon, there reigns a ruler unlike any before him: King Jake Wood the Third, a man burdened not by war, famine, or political unrest—but by two deeply personal enemies:

• Sharks
• Windmills

Historians disagree on which fear came first.

Some say it began during his childhood, when a decorative fountain in the royal garden featured a carved shark “that looked at him too confidently.”

Others claim the hatred of windmills started later, during a royal tour of the countryside, when King Jake mistakenly believed a windmill was “a rotating symbol of judgment.”

What is known for certain is this: the King has never recovered.

The Royal Decree on Sharks

On the 14th day of the Season of Slight Anxiety, King Jake issued the famous Decree of Maritime Suspicion, which stated:

“All sharks shall be considered emotionally aggressive until proven otherwise.”

As a result:

Coastal guards were ordered to “negotiate firmly with the sea”

Fishermen were required to report any “fish that looks like it has opinions”

Royal advisors quietly stopped inviting him near maps.

The Great Windmill Ban

Not long after, the King turned his attention inland windmills, he declared: 

“Tall spinning reminders that something is happening somewhere without my approval.”

So, he ordered:

All windmills to slow down “when the King is thinking”

Farmers to “consider alternative wind-based activities”

And at least one royal engineer to “make them stop looking like that”

The engineer resigned immediately.

Court Life Under King Jake III

Life in the palace has adapted in strange ways.

Ocean paintings are now required to be “shark-free or emotionally neutral”

Curtains must not resemble rotating shapes

The word “propeller” is banned unless accompanied by reassurance

Royal advisors have developed a new communication style called: Strategic Vagueness

Example: “Your Majesty, the sea is behaving... less shark-like today.”

The Prophecy (possibly invented)

An old court manuscript—possibly written by a drunk monk—claims:

“A king who fears both what swims and what turns shall one day rule nothing, yet argue about everything.”

The King reportedly described this prophecy as: “deeply offensive and also probably about someone else”

Modern Interpretations

Some scholars believe King Jake III represents:

Fear of uncontrollable systems

Anxiety toward nature and technology

Or simply a man who should not be allowed near coastal geography

Others argue he is: “Just kind of like that”

Final Note from the Royal Archive

This document has been reviewed and approved by the Royal Censorship Office,

provided no sharks read it and no windmills interpret it as motivation.